I may have done a dumb thing. No, not dumb. Just something I regret.
Ok, now that I’ve got your attention . . . LOL.
It was a silly thing. I got eyelash extensions. Innocent enough. I’m not someone who really needs them. I have long lovely lashes naturally. Just a few coats of mascara works for me. But I wanted to be free of that for a while. I’m in dance class so much and always sweating, so I wear waterproof mascara virtually everyday. I have a friend who got eyelash extensions and they looked so natural and beautiful on her that I thought it could be a neat thing for me to do for the summer so I didn’t need to wear mascara at all. I wanted a break.
At first it was awesome! It worked like a charm. The gal put only a few in. They looked completely natural, but totally did the trick. I even went without any other makeup like powder or gloss. Nothing. I felt so free. But then I had a red carpet event where I really needed to wear a full face, as it were. I gently applied some mascara to my fake lashes in order to have them blend appropriately with the rest of the makeup I had applied.
Later that night as I was washing my face, even though I did so gingerly, I inevitably tugged in such a way that I pulled on the extensions. Out some came, taking my real lashes with them!!!
So where I once had God-given beautiful lashes, I now have lash lines with gaping holes.
I immediately regretted getting the extensions in the first place. And I was immediately pissed that I wanted to have them to begin with. I started down a shame spiral, throwing a bit of a pity party, cursing the notion that girls put themselves through all this glamour angst at all. I mean, yeah, long lashes are pretty, but why and when did we ever figure that out in the first place? Whoever decided that any adjustment or enhancement needed experiment? Why do women feel the need to look different than they do naturally? Men don’t deal with this crap. If my husband maintains the unruliness of his eyebrows he’s considered quaffed.
We’re not the first culture to generate looks and aesthetic preference using makeup and tools, but why do we do it? And even worse, why do we shame women when they don’t? Why do we encourage women to use a little, dab a little, paint a little. Just a little touch and you’ll look better. We don’t do it to our men. And women are caught in a vicious circle. Everyone is doing it, so everyone does it.
It seems whenever I go above the normal, casual ways to “improve” my appearance it backfires. When I tried Botox . . . OMG!!!! Huge mistake!!! . . . I was curious about the whole “freeze and fill” thing. Would it work? Would I look younger? It entailed getting Botox around the eyes and a filler in the smile lines around my mouth. I will preface the next statement by saying my doctor was extremely gentle and very conservative. But afterward, I looked like a friggin’ bear! I had bruised so badly I looked like a bear. A bear! Sh_t! Not only did I look like a bear, but I knew it would be a dead give away to anyone who saw the pattern of bruising that I had gone in for the treatment. Uuuh, not the outcome I was hoping for. I went into hiding.
I know there are men who get Botox and the like, but the clientele is made up of a preponderance of women. It’s women and girls who feel the pressure to be beautiful and to live up to an imposed standard. It’s women who believe they can beat the clock by changing their appearance. And it’s women who feel the need to false advertise their own bodies.
Maybe it’s the pending prospect of a woman finally ending up in the Oval Office, but my frivolous eyelash debacle got me thinking about what women go through just to be noticed. And how the very things we do to fit in, to be considered beautiful, to be thought of as worthy, are the very things that tie us down, take up our time, and keep us from soaring to greater heights.
Can you imagine a political pundit talking incessantly about a male candidate’s hair and makeup and outfits? Ok, ok, ok. Talk is definitely made over Donald Trump’s hair. That’s true. And there was that haircut nonsense with John Edwards, remember? But usually it does not happen to men, especially in serious businesses. But whatever Senator Clinton wears or presents on her body is up for ridicule and debate. There’s more discussion about her makeup, her haircuts, and her pantsuits than her platform for the country. I’m not talking Republican vs Democrat, not whether you agree or disagree with her policies or anyone else’s. I’m just talking male vs female in a pervasive way in our culture. I guess this has turned into a rant. Oh well, so be it.
#ImWithHer has greater and different meaning to me today. I’m with EVERY her. May we all feel special and beautiful and good enough just the way we are.
You nailed it Paige! I too have fallen for this false belief that if I don’t look young and fit, nobody will want to train with me. Forget that I’ve been a trainer for 20 years and know my sh*t inside and out, upside and backwards…blindfolded (i might add). No, I need to look better. So 15 years ago I started Botox treatments because a celebrity T.V. friend of mine (I won’t say names but just watch a certain daughter of a certain female lawyer who is in the media more than in front of a jury) told me I needed to start doing Botox (at 39!!) Then at 49 a man I was seeing for only a few short months told me I should get a boob job and he’d pay for it! WHA??? So, now at 53, I’m happy to say I found a man who loves my saggy boobs, thinks my forehead and eyes look better with expression and if I decide to get false eyelashes, it’s because they’re fun for an occasion, not because I don’t like my own. You’re beautiful…and you’re smile is the epitome of happiness…don’t you dare take those laugh lines away! You earned them!! Love you girl!
P.S… If you want to look “made up” in a photo – download the app: Perfect365. I never wear makeup anymore!! 😉
It is very unfortunate, indeed, that most of us women feel the need to go through such angst. That has always been the way of the world and will likely always be the way of things, at least to some degree. The saddest part — and this is obviously not new information — is that the majority of the pressure to look good comes from other women. Men don’t notice most of this stuff. But women — we can be unbelievably critical and bitchy about other women’s looks instead of being supportive and loving of our sisters. Weird.
Sorry about your eyelashes, sweetie, not to mention surprised that you would even consider doing that. Your natural lashes are glorious! Here’s hoping they’ll grow back quickly xoxo
Oh my gosh, Mom! You are so, so right! Women do it to women! A sad truth!
Oh, and yeah, my lashes should grow back within a month, I think.
I just saw a video yesterday about two women who switched places for a week. One was a self-professed makeup queen and the other never wore makeup. Both ended up learning a lot about the other but both were also very uncomfortable in their own skin for that week.
The thing that surprised me the most was that the woman who never wore makeup got made fun of and commented on much more than the woman who went without her trademark “face” for a week. People (other women mostly to Ruth’s point) actually laughed at her for putting on lipstick and blush! WTF is THAT about? No matter what your beauty choices why would we women EVER ridicule and laugh at each other? We should spend our time propping each other up so we can get more women in the Oval not doing what the rest of society is doing by focusing, commenting and criticizing things as silly as lipstick.
Wait…now I’m ranting. Sorry. Guess you hit a nerve. And BTW, I have ALWAYS wanted to try lash extensions…well…until I read this. Thanks for the heads up.
Sherry
Sherry, we must meet one day!
Anyhoodle, I’d still try ’em if you want to. They are fun. Just get some ground rules from me first before doing it. They’re really great if you know how to care for them.
It was just particularly ironic for me ’cause I lost something beautiful I already had in order to attain something else I thought I wanted.
We’ll meet. I’m trying to wrangle a business trip to NY as we speak. 😉
Yea!
Thank you, Paige! You’re words come at a time when I’ve been questioning appearance and how the world (mine being a whole lot smaller than yours!!) sees us and often comments in ways intended to be helpful!
You are beautiful inside and out!
From one who doesn’t wear makeup, I just loved your write-up!
I knew you would. And I always feel freer without too! xox
In my eyes, there is nothing more beautiful than my 11-year-old daughter with her natural “strawberry blond” hair, gorgeous blue eyes and cheeks full of freckles. As she heads off for middle school in a few weeks, I’m anguished at the pressure she’s already feeling to slather her face with unnatural makeup.
Hahaha. Okay, divine intervention that I am reading this right now..because I genuinely wanted to try these for the same reason you did, even though I have long lashes naturally, too..making them up can be a time consuming pain! Thank you for the tip, girl! Can’t wait to see you on Friday!
XOX
Paige why did you leave Home and Family? I loved you on it. You brought such great energy.
Wish you were still there. It seems too scripted now.
Thanks.
Susie
Leaving wasn’t really my choice. They wanted to replace me with Christina Ferrari who had hosted the original show when it launched in the early ’90’s.
I was pretty sad.